Here's How to Talk to Colleagues Who Are Struggling With Mental Health

When Matt Cahn opened Middle Child Clubhouse in Philadelphia last fall, the staff got the usual restaurant training, but Cahn added something extra: a series of mental health seminars for employees. “The mental health thing is an American issue, but restaurants deal with a lot of it,” says Cahn. “We’re around drinking, and we work weird hours on our feet every day.” 

Still, it can be tough to put training into action. A cook cuts herself? Most kitchen staff will rush in with a bandage. But when someone is struggling with mental health, folks have far less practice in helping out. 

Rebecca Vlam, a trauma-informed licensed clinical social worker and professor at Widener University, says the first thing to know is mental and physical health are the same thing. “It’s not some siloed system,” she says. “It’s neurobiological. Unfortunately, we treat them as two separate bodies, but everything is connected.” 

If you’re having a problem broaching the subject, Vlam suggests starting with a simple comment like, “Hey, I’ve noticed you seem like you’re not yourself lately. Can I support you in any way?”

“It’s a gentle way to start the conversation,” says Vlam, who also spent time working as a server. “If they don’t want to open the door, there might be a reason, but you’ve shown them you’re there.”

Michael Gulotta agrees. The chef/partner at Mopho and Maypop in New Orleans has been running his own kitchen for nearly nine years. He calls navigating mental health issues in restaurants a learning curve, but one he’s been committed to supporting. “It’s amazing,” he says, “even if you open the door, and guide the conversation, people are willing to open up and let it out.”

A few tips to keep in mind: 

• Don’t try to diagnose or fix the problem; leave that to a professional. 
• Don’t tell someone they just need to “take care of themselves.” People who are depressed often feel paralyzed, and asking them to take on that responsibility can make them feel worse. Instead, remind them they have a support system if they need it. 
• Don’t be reluctant to ask questions. Vlam notes that people are often afraid to say, “Are you feeling like hurting yourself?” “Are you feeling like you’re not safe?”

“The more we talk about mental health issues,” says Vlam, “the more we normalize it, and the less shame there is.” 

Regan Stephens is a Philadelphia-based freelance writer covering food, travel, and culture.